I'm Sorry

I still remember the first time I saw you. It was your eyes I fell in love with. Nothing else seemed to matter for they told me everything I needed to know. Who you were and who you were going to be to me. I don't think you noticed me that day but I didn't care I knew I would see you again. 


I may not have fallen in love at first sight but you were the only thing I began to care about. You became my words, my hopes and dreams. I couldn't take not seeing you, even if all I got was to see your eyes. For I still knew that they could tell me everything, you couldn't keep a secret from me. 


We went through it all, we loved and fought, we learned and grew. We learned that we were different and that's where we thought it would end. I didn't know that I would still look into your eyes and still know everything.


Maybe it was never love but something more. We knew each other well and would be there through thick and thin. We knew we would never love for we were friends. I learned to love you in a different way but those eyes I fell in love with wouldn't go away.


I tried to tell you how I felt but you didn't understand. But then I saw your eyes and everything made sense. You'd only ever love me as a friend but the pain you felt I cannot help. Your eyes are filled with such painful tears that I have made. I wish I could take your tears and melt them all away. I could once long ago but we took our separate paths.


I am here and you are there. I'm still dreaming but you are gone.


I'm sorry I cannot help but its time for me to wake. It's time to take our different paths and learn to see anew. 

Numb

To not forget the pain we feel, we write. I feel like I've forgotten so much though. I've become numb to the pain and I forget what it initially felt like. Here and there I see a glimpse of what life is supposed to look like but there seems to be a numbness all around me. I forget about others and focus only on what I want. Everything becomes so mundane and I forget what feeling really feels like. Its so I can feel safe and not face the things I fear most. 

I need to learn to feel and forget the numbness. Waking up to the life in front of me and the life that I forgot how to live.