New Blog

https://atelos.wordpress.com/

New Blog for a new season!

Freedom

There's a freedom that comes from doing the thing you love. I love coaching track and wouldn't give it up for anything in the world. It's also because of the people I get to coach. Coaching kids teaches you how to be patient. They have lots of questions and sometimes aren't the quickest to pick things up and it teaches me patience. You also have to learn how to make sure that they are all physically, emotionally, and spiritually strong. Track just isn't about pure strength and as many of my kids have had to learn this year how you perform also comes from how much you believe in yourself. Without the confidence that you can do well, you won't do well. As a coach no matter how hard you tell someone that you know they have the potential to be a good runner they have to learn that themselves. The only thing you can do is be there for them until they learn to be confident in themselves. You slowly learn how to become a mentor and how to pour love into kids who are just looking to find what they are good at and how they can be confident in who they are. That's my favorite part of being a coach and even though thats not really my part as a coach thats what I make it. It's my freedom and more people need to find their freedom and do it. Otherwise we are living to our potential. We aren't using the gifts that God gave us and we throw away the best part of who we are! Find your freedom and become free.

Moment

Every moment a person has a decision to make, care or don't care. 


What do you need to start caring for?

Big Words | Am

I have been trying to figure out the best way to describe why the word "Am" is the biggest word of them all. It is easy to say why it is but when you start to think about it, it is hard to make sense of it.


In Exodus 3 Moses asks God what His name is. God responds with "I AM WHO I AM" (vs 14). God gives us His name and in the Hebrew language the name YHWY is directly linked to their word for the verb "to be". God is pure being. We can try to describe him with words like trust, faith, hope, and love but these words do not cut it. All of these words can be a verb or a noun. They have different meanings and can be interpreted in just as many ways. God chose a word that means to be to name himself. He is a God that is! An action that does not have an object. Something so that we can not place His image on an object. 


God is. Its something different to think about.

Tattoo

As many of you know I have a few tattoos. To me tattoos should have meaning to them and should be personal. Each and everyone of my tattoos (and future ones) are reminders to me of what is extremely important to me. I thought I would share why I have them so maybe someday you will want to get one too!


My first tattoo that got me started is a cross made of three nails with a banner going around it with the reference to the verse 1Peter 1:14-16. The three nails symbolize the nails that pierced Christ's hands and feet. Reminding me that because of my sin Jesus died on the cross for me. His blood was shed and not mine. I am not to live for myself but for others. It ties into the verse which says, "As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as He who called you is Holy, you also be Holy in all your conduct. For it is written you shall be Holy for I am Holy." I am not supposed to live according to my previous life. I choose to follow Christ and that choice comes with obedience. At the same time because of the cross I am now Holy. I am set apart from sin. I should no longer be conformed to my former passions. Yet it is not easy. I am still a child who is learning to become obedient who can be holy in his conduct. That is not to say that I am better then anyone else but to say that I do it differently. Acting more like Jesus and becoming obedient to how he showed us how to live. For we are holy like He was holy.


My second and third tattoo are In loving memory tattoos. The first part was for my sister and my cat. I know it sounds weird to remember a cat permanently on your body but when you grow up with a cat for almost the first 20 years of your life she becomes your best friend. They're always there when you need to talk to someone and she listened. It's hard to lose that friend and I did not want to forget her. She was a best friend and also part of my family. I also have my sister's footprint. Most people don't know that I had another sister. I was only 7 when she was born and died a few days later. I never knew much about her until recently when I asked to get her footprint. She is a sister that I never knew and I wanted to have a memory of her close by. The third tattoo which is really just a second part to the main part of my in loving memory tattoo is two yellow roses. My cousin passed away in January and on her casket were yellow roses. We had chosen yellow roses because Aleeza was a burst of sunshine always filled with joy. It was really hard to see her die at such a young age and know that I would never get to see her again. The two yellow roses are in memory of her so that I will always remember her joy and who she was.


My fourth tattoo is a Hebrew tattoo for the word truth. In Hebrew the word is Emet. I choose to put Truth because it reminds me of who I am. I cannot run or hide from who I am but I can learn to live with it and give my struggles to God. We are to live by truth and the only true truth in this world is God. His Word is the truth and that is what I must learn to live by. It is not an easy thing to learn to be truthful in everything and this is a reminder to me that if I expect people to be truthful with me I must be truthful with them. Truth is a big thing but it has to start somewhere small and continue to grow.


My fifth tattoo (I'll get it someday) is of the phrase la prima dulce Verita. Which is Italian for the first sweet Truth. It is a saying by Catherine of Siena about God. Which I think she sums up best in the first paragraph of her Dialogue: 
“A soul rises up restless with tremendous desire for God’s honor and the salvation of souls. She has for some time exercised herself in virtue and has become accustomed to dwelling in the cell of self-knowledge to know better God’s goodness toward her, since upon knowledge follows love. And loving, she seeks to pursue truth and clothe herself in it.” We seek the truth of God because He is the ultimate and first truth. We want to know about the being that created us. He is the sweet Truth to us because he satisfies who we are. It is like being in a desert and finally you get a little water after days of thirst. It is sweet to drink as it satisfies a bodily need. God is our ultimate body need and when we finally begin to see Truth in Him we begin to see the first sweet Truth that created us. He begins to fill us with Himself and we only want more. His truth is absolute because it was the first truth which all other truths come from. 


Some people say there are other ways to remind yourself of these things but for me its a way that I will never forget because I see them daily. I get them in places that I can cover up because they are really reminders for me and only sometimes can other people see them. The things I remind myself of are things that I struggle with or tend to forget and I want them permanent and engraved on my body as a reminder that I cannot forget these things. I still make mistakes because I am like everyone else, a human being! The difference comes in how we take responsibility for those mistakes and where we go to with our struggles. 


P.S. I do have a sixth tattoo idea but it is in the works.

Big Words | Love

Love isn't something that can be put into words. It's an action. Something that is done. Love is not a descriptor that describes a feeling. It can but it is something far greater than just an emotion. It is something that we do and must show that makes love. 

Humans have tried for generations to put love into words. There are books and books about what love is and how we should fix it between people. We think that we have to recreate that sort of high feeling of emotion that we get when we "first love" someone. Is that really love though? I would say its not. It takes time to learn to love a person. You have to learn to accept them for who they are and everything that comes with that. 

A lot of time Christians say that we are to hate the sin and love the person. The only problem with that is that the reason for the sin is the person. If you hate the sin you hate the person. If you start to look past the bad things of people you aren't really loving them. You are just trying to love because you are told to love so you look past who they are and fake love them. You don't accept them you just make them into someone else and that is definitely not loving someone. 

Love comes from being able to accept a person as they are. That can be the hardest part about being able to love people. Accepting who they are. Accepting a person means we have to go out of ourself and not let yourself get in the way. Our selfish desires go on the backburner and the other person needs becomes more important. Slowly love becomes more than a feeling and becomes an action. Something that we want to do. 

Love is not an easy thing because you cannot expect anything in return. Just because you love someone does not mean that you will get that love in return. Loving people does not become easier because of that. It may be easier to learn to love people but the more love you give out the harder it becomes. You being to feel sad for the people you love because you feel their pain. Its as if you begin to bear that weight that was on their shoulders. Yet it is love that brings us through this and brings about something beautiful. 

Love is still something far more than this but its an idea of what one aspect of love might be. Love is something great and can bring about something beautiful. 

"By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers."

I John 3:16

Big Words | Hope

Hope is a Strange Invention


Hope is a strange invention --
A Patent of the Heart --
In unremitting action
Yet never wearing out --

Of this electric Adjunct
Not anything is known
But its unique momentum
Embellish all we own --


Emily Dickinson




Hope is such an odd thing that I don't think that I can do it justice. It's more of a poetic thing so I thought I would find a poem. It is simple yet makes you think about what hope could be. It's something that we strive for and it is what gives us the strength to move on. We hope for what is to come and that something better will come each day. We hope for the best and that is what lets us live our lives to the fullest every day. Without hope we have no gains to hope for something better. 



But God will never forget the needy; 
the hope of the afflicted will never perish.

Psalm 9:18

Remembering

A song that really gets at how I felt when my cousin Aleeza passed away. Love and miss you Aleeza. 







Sissy's Song by Alan Jackson
Why did she have to go 
So young I just don't know why
Things happen half the time
Without reason without rhyme
Lovely, sweet young woman
Daughter, wife and mother
Makes no sense to me
I just have to believe

She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me

Loved ones she left behind
Just trying to survive
And understand the why
Feeling so lost inside
Anger shot straight at God
Then asking for His love
Empty with disbelief
Just hoping that maybe

She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me

It's hard to say goodbye
Her picture in my mind
Will always be of times I'll cherish
And I won't cry 'cause

She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me
Don't worry 'bout me
Don`t worry 'bout me

Big Words | Faith

If we don't have faith we have nothing. Faith is one of the center of our beings. It's the foundation of who we are. 


Faith can best be described as a tree. Starts out small as a seed but slowly begins to grow. It doesn't happen over night but takes years before it becomes a tall tree. Even after many years trees still grow and will continue to grow until the tree dies. The same is with our faith. It will continue to grow and become more vast until the day that we die. 


Trees don't just grow by themselves. They take in nutrients and water with their roots from their immediate surroundings. This allows them to continue to grow or if there isn't any good nutrients around them they won't be able to grow. The same can be said for us. We are influenced by those around us and our faith grows by the support we have around us. 


A tree defies gravity by taking up nutrients and water through its roots and sending it to the top of the tree without using any energy. Our faith can also defy the world that holds us down. 


A tree also has many branches that come off of the main trunk of the tree. Just as our faith has many aspects and many different ideas that are based off of one central idea. 


It is a complex thing that is different for ever person. Every person grows at a different rate. There are trials and tribulations that can change every year. Some cause us to grow stronger while others cause us to grow slower. Faith is at our core and from that grows our branches.


He replied, "Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."
Matthew 17:20




Update:
P.S. Word in bold has been fixed thanks to the review of Matthew Pautsch.

Big Words | Truth

Truth are the words that do not want to be uttered. Instead of confronting with the truth we back away and say I don't know. In all truth we know but we are to afraid to say the truth because we fear the truth. The truth about us or about telling the truth to someone else. It brings about confrontation and that can be uncomfortable. We would rather stay comfortable and believe the "truth" that we are living. Even if the truth is brought to us, we tend to ignore and say that it cannot possibly be the truth. 

I know I do this all the time. If the truth is presented to me I tend to shrink away and begin to not pay attention. A lot of times I even begin to defend myself. I put up a wall and try to say why it isn't the truth. In all honesty I am afraid of the truth. It means accepting apart of me that I don't want to. We are slaves to the selves that we have created. Truth is what sets us free and yet we turn away from the truth. 

Truth is where it all begins though. It's the start of becoming something true. Truth about ourselves is where it starts but we can't do it without other people because most of the time we can't see the truth that is right in front of our faces.

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." 

John 8:32

A Thought on Prayer

Praying
It doesn't have to be
the blue iris, it could be

weeds in a vacant lot, or a few

small stones; just

pay attention, then patch

a few words together and don't try

to make them elaborate, this isn't

a contest but the doorway

into thanks, and a silence in which

another voice may speak.

-Mary Oliver

Path

Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead, where there is no path, and leave a trail.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Continued Thoughts

I just asked someone what I should blog about. She said that I should write a blog about something other than myself. I am finding this task to be a little tricky because I usually write my thoughts on my blog and its a little like a journal. So I am going to continue thinking about what I shall write about and I am up for any thoughts or ideas. Or i could always write about someone else but I think that might end up being a little weird unless a person wants to be written about....

Time

Time is a precious thing. Everyone seems to know that but they don't understand it. If we valued time so much I think it would be more clear that we do. Instead of working and rushing all the time take a break and learn to value your time. Make time for people and make them your top valued time. Invest in them and make each person you care about feel special. You don't know how much time you will have with that person so take nothing for granted. 


Don't just know that someone is special to you. Understand it! Give them the time they deserve. Time is precious and you can never get it back. Whats done is done so live with no regrets because that will only waste your time even more. 

Forgiving

One of the hardest things in life is to forgive yourself. Its the oddest thing. It should be easy but we carry around our mistakes and pick them apart. We try and figure out what we could have done different or how we are going to fix it so that next time we won't make the same mistake. It starts to consume us and forgiving ourselves and moving on doesn't ever seem to be our first thought or option. 

I get a daily C.S. Lewis quote and that was what the quote was about today. He said "If God forgives us we must forgive ourselves otherwise its like setting up ourselves as a higher tribunal than Him" -CSLewis. That's what got me thinking about this and how once we have accepted Jesus Christ our sins are forgiven and yet we rarely act as if they are. We let our past experiences take control of us and keep our darkest secrets hidden. Now I'm not saying go out and say to the whole world what your darkest secrets are but learn to trust those who are close to you and that love you. They will help you understand just how forgiven your sins are. 

The shame of sin is nothing compared to the love of Jesus and how that love is shown. There is no reason to not forgive yourself and move on. If the one who created you can do it than shouldn't we be able to as well?

Dreaming

I have always found dreaming very strange. I've always wondered what God was thinking when He decided to give us dreams. Not all people seem to remember their dreams and some people's dreams are very vivid. I have very vivid dreams but they are very surreal dreams.


I've never had very realistic dreams and lately I've been having dreams almost every night. Its odd what our brains do and what we dream. I think they are away of telling us away of things that we are keeping inside and not really accepting as reality.


Ever since my cousin passed its been hard accepting that she really died. So in my dreams I've been dreaming about random people dying. Others have been other family members dying and I think my dreams are a way of my mind telling me what I am really feeling but keeping suppressed. Especially when we are sad its hard to feel that everyday so you try to make do. All those feelings come out in your dreams. 


The only things I can really remember though is what my feelings where during the dream and that it was vivid. Other than that its hard to remember details. 


Dreaming overall is an odd experience. For me dreaming is a way for our mind to feel those suppressed feelings. Those are just my thoughts those. 

Grief

Having someone die in your family that you were close to is really painful. So much so that have the time you can't even believe it. It isn't just grieve for a day and than you are done. It takes time to heal but the wound never fully heals because life can never go back to "normal". 


One of the most annoying things to me is that people keep asking me how I am doing. They would ask that during the wake and the funeral and you just want to yell at them and say how do you think I am feeling? You just begin to say that you are hanging in there because it is hard to describe to people what you are feeling.


The emotions swing constantly from angry to sad to just nothing at all. It is hard to deal with because some days you just want to be by yourself and not talk to anyone at all. So I'm sorry if I am crabby to anyone its just going to be one of those days.


I've also had people say she would want you to be happy or she is in Heaven now in her real home. They are trying to be comforting and it helps sometimes but most times it still doesn't make you feel any better. I think the pastor put it best at the ceremony. He said that my head knows that but can someone make my heart know that. 


Even though we know that our heart still aches for our loved one. There are so many emotions that just go through you all at once that it is just over whelming. That to me is what grief and mourning is. It's a place where you don't quite know how to feel. Our heart is in pain and doesn't understand.


That to me is why Jesus said, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." (Matthew 5:4) Mourning is a process where our hearts are sad, angry and confused. It's hard to see how this makes a person blessed but it comes from the part of being comforted. The only part that we take comfort in is the fact that God is our Father and He has a plan. A blessed person understands this and goes to God for comfort. They also understand that it is still okay to mourn. Its not just a day thing but a process of healing from the comfort we get from God. 


It's not an easy thing but every day is a new step with God and learning how to be comforted through this process of mourning.

Invincible

Each day we believe there will be one more
An invincibility to live the future
However you never know when God will want you to be with Him
Life is a precious gift given 
Today may be your last
Everyone says to live like today is your last day
Instead learn to love and show it every day
You never know if this will be the last time you will see a person
Tell them that you love them and care about them because the chance may never come again
That is what is truly invincible
Love given as a gift
Nothing can ever take that away


In loving memory of my cousin Aleeza Saande December 2, 1991 - January 9, 2011. 


You had a big heart and loved everyone you met. You taught us all how to love and now we will keep living and learn to pass on the love that you gave to us. We will never forget you because your love will always be with us!

Back to the Groove

To all the people that read this I am back. The Christmas season is over at work and I have a month break now with little work and no school. I am hoping to get a lot done this break probably knowing that I won't. So if you read this just keep telling me to get to work! I really don't have any great thoughts at the moment but something someone said at work the other day really struck me.

At work we have a tshirt that all the proceeds go directly to helping Haiti recover. A guy came in and told us that many of the missionaries that are in Haiti are not excepting money from organizations or donations from individuals because they believe that God will provide for the people and help them get back on their feet. I don't know if this is true or not but if it is I think it's odd that they would reject the money. Can't God use people and organizations to help out and provide for Haiti? It seems to me that God is using other people to bring in money to help His people and provide for them. That's just my thoughts anyways.