The Mechanical Man

Everything we learn we are taught. Nothing known to us isn't taught. One could say that we are machines that are programmed to do. Especially if we are taught to just do and not think. 


In the book The Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison he writes about a young black man who goes through various events in his life where people are trying to make him a "mechanical" man. Throughout the whole novel he believes that he is doing things that will progress him further in his life but in reality he is being subjected to everyone else's views. He is being forced to live a certain way. (I should also say that this book was written in the 50's to put it into context.) 


While in the south he attends a black college. While there the things he learns is that he is to please the white man. He isn't to do what they ask but to do what they want. He is to know what the white man wants and to appease there every need. While he thought that he has learned this he fails to do so and is expelled from the school and sent to Harlem in NYC. 


While in NYC he ends up in a hospital after being in an explosion. He ends up in this metal box with a glass cover. The doctors are attempting to get rid of all his memories and make him into someone that they can use that doesn't think. They are trying to make him the mechanical man. However, the opposite seems to happen and he thinks that he is free of the world. He takes this job where he thinks that he will become his own man and be able to speak to Harlem and change the world. The opposite happens though. He is indoctrinated by the Brotherhood, who he is working for, and becomes their puppet. He is used by them to their every need. He still hasn't escaped the world of the mechanical man. 


Even in the end of the book he is trying to figure out what has happened to him and what he is supposed to think of it all. 


The same can be said of us. If we look at our lives how are you living it? Are you a mechanical person who has been taught things and doesn't take the time to think about what you have been taught? 


Without thinking about what we have been taught we become mechanical and then possibly we haven't learned a thing.


P.S. I left a TON of the book out and you should check it out because there is a lot of good stuff in the book. If you are offended by objectionable material though I give you fair warning there is some in the book.

Beautiful Bliss

Drowning in this beautiful bliss of lies I sat and wondered if it were true. 


Could I trust the person sitting next to me who seemed to tell such a beautiful tale? The words were poetic and captivating. Seeming to reveal the deepest part of my soul in a way known all to well. 


The familiarity seemed warm and comforting at first but slowly turned cold. Nothing but a beautiful void stood before me. Trusting its every word till I would die. 


Wanting nothing more then to complete the very thing before me.  This beautiful void that I knew nothing of. Captivating me till I would die.


It held something I wanted. The truth deep within itself. Drowning from the lies that created the beauty. 


I realized it was me. I wanted myself and not the lies that I had made. No more drowning. It may not be beautiful but its me. 


Yes it was true but there's more to life than drowning in a beautiful bliss of lies.

I'm Sorry

I still remember the first time I saw you. It was your eyes I fell in love with. Nothing else seemed to matter for they told me everything I needed to know. Who you were and who you were going to be to me. I don't think you noticed me that day but I didn't care I knew I would see you again. 


I may not have fallen in love at first sight but you were the only thing I began to care about. You became my words, my hopes and dreams. I couldn't take not seeing you, even if all I got was to see your eyes. For I still knew that they could tell me everything, you couldn't keep a secret from me. 


We went through it all, we loved and fought, we learned and grew. We learned that we were different and that's where we thought it would end. I didn't know that I would still look into your eyes and still know everything.


Maybe it was never love but something more. We knew each other well and would be there through thick and thin. We knew we would never love for we were friends. I learned to love you in a different way but those eyes I fell in love with wouldn't go away.


I tried to tell you how I felt but you didn't understand. But then I saw your eyes and everything made sense. You'd only ever love me as a friend but the pain you felt I cannot help. Your eyes are filled with such painful tears that I have made. I wish I could take your tears and melt them all away. I could once long ago but we took our separate paths.


I am here and you are there. I'm still dreaming but you are gone.


I'm sorry I cannot help but its time for me to wake. It's time to take our different paths and learn to see anew. 

Numb

To not forget the pain we feel, we write. I feel like I've forgotten so much though. I've become numb to the pain and I forget what it initially felt like. Here and there I see a glimpse of what life is supposed to look like but there seems to be a numbness all around me. I forget about others and focus only on what I want. Everything becomes so mundane and I forget what feeling really feels like. Its so I can feel safe and not face the things I fear most. 

I need to learn to feel and forget the numbness. Waking up to the life in front of me and the life that I forgot how to live.

War

I've been fighting a war since I was born. It's one that no matter what I do I can never get away from it. The war isn't fought with swords, guns, or any other kind of weapons. The war is fought with love. 

The war didn't start with me or even with humans. It started with a creature God created that decided it could be more powerful then its creator. It didn't turn out so well for that creature and the war that started came to earth. It became the battle field for a war that it wasn't supposed to hold. The effect of one creature as it took its hold on one human that started a ripple effect that nothing can compare to. I couldn't decide to be apart of it. I was born and thrown right into the fighting. A small soul not even grown and couldn't understand a thing. Quickly did I learn the difference between right and wrong. I still didn't know of the war or how it could effect me. Little did I know that the enemy had its hands on me and was eagerly waiting to take me away and never let me go. That's what it wants, but I learned of how to find my way back to get away from the hands of my enemy. I couldn't do it alone though. I had to be helped from a man whose power gave me love. A love that can give life to those who had been plunged in death from birth.

Life is given to the dead. I was made something new and finally knew what love was. Love, a power so strong that it can take something dead and give it life. The war however wasn't over for me. The enemy still had it's eyes on me. It may have lost me but it didn't want to let go. It wanted to take that love and make it useless. 

At times I think that it has succeeded. Its because it tries to make that love seem fake and unreal. Times when love has seemed to fail. A lie that once implanted seems hard to forget. Times when you feel alone and empty and no one really cares or loves you. Its hard for me to forget those feelings and even the smallest things can make me think those things again. I don't want nights of tears flowing while the music is so loud to drive the pain away. People's words and actions can have more of an impact then they realize. A word not said, the way a person looks at you, even an interaction with someone can say so much. I know that its a lie but its a powerful one that the enemy uses because it wants us to be so useless.


A war of love is full of hatred and makes us afraid of the one thing that we are searching for to end it, LOVE. I've felt the pain of death and because of that I looked and found love. It's odd how hard it was to accept it at first. I had looked for it because I just wanted the pain to go away but when it came to my doorstep I couldn't accept it right away. I was afraid to be honest and to say "I love you" too. It felt weird and not right. It was something unknown to me and I wanted to get away from the unknown. Slowly I learned what real love was and how it could give me life. A way to be on the winning side of the war. Love gave me something great to hope for, a life of love where others loved you for who you truly were. Love was the war I had been fighting and I finally realized that I was apart of it. I was no longer blind to love nor to what love is. 


The man who is love tells me everyday that he LOVES ME. He wants me to know that so that I can make it through the day and that I can share his love so that others can get out of their pain. 


Wars always bring pain, but one that is of love brings the pain of loneliness and feelings of being unloved. Once we find love its hard to accept it because we have become so accustomed to the pain. We create walls to deal with the pain and the love can't get through. When we find love it feels so much more painful at first because of the walls that come down and the pain that comes flooding back. I never wanted to deal with any of those things walled inside me. The thought of them ever coming out was terrifying. Learning to let down my walls was one of the hardest things I had ever done but after it was the most peaceful thing that I had ever done. It didn't happen all at once but slowly I learned how to let go of the pain and embrace love.


A war of love is full of pain but also full of life. 

Hope

This song has beautiful lyrics. It reminds me of how I once felt and still sometimes feel. 
I'll let the lyrics speak for themselves.


Find the words that make it right again
Calling birds help you make it through the night
It's just enough to find a way to open up again
and learn to taste all the beauty that's inside

Well ring the bells that lead you home
cause the only truth i've ever known
is that nothing ever hurts us more than love
so circle up your best of friends
and we'll celebrate the way it endsbut it's never gone
At least we live tonight
At least we live tonight

Scream out loud
until you feel again
and hear the sound of how to heal an aching heart
and those that know you most
can help you to live again
so keep them close
as you're making your new start

Well ring the bells that lead you home
cause the only truth i've ever known
is that nothing ever hurts us more than love
so circle up your best of friends
and we'll celebrate the way it ends
At least we live tonight
At least we live tonight

The day you finally turn to dust
and finally hear your name
brings colors that will never fade away
Sometimes the best all of us
can still break down and still give up on love


Ring the Bells
-Satellite

Fear

I've thought about this a lot lately and there are many parts of myself that I fear. I think many people have things that that they fear about themselves but rarely realize it. This fear of parts of ourselves causes us to create masks for ourselves and become a false us in a sense. Instead of those things being a part of who we are, they become something entirely different. We make them out to be things we don't want, things that aren't truly us because we have come to believe that the mask is real. This gives power to those things and gives them control over us.


I've let myself live in fear long enough. I've feared them because I thought I could hurt people, be hurt myself, and I thought that I would disappoint God. I made a mask so that people wouldn't find out about my real self. I had one for any situation so that it would seem that I had everything together and that everything was perfect. Yet deep down I feared the worst thing possible, myself. I didn't want people to know that I had dealt with depression, suicide, pornography and doubting God. I feared those things and because of it they began to control me. 


It was a circle that seemed to just keep propelling itself. The more I feared them the more they controlled me. My fear made me not want to do anything about them and that in turn made me go deeper into them. The fear kept growing because I was afraid of people finding out and then losing everything because of it. I certainly didn't want God to know either because how could He ever love someone who couldn't even love them self. I gave power to these things by fear and they took over my life. 


I finally hit rock bottom and that's where I learned a lot about myself. I learned that those things were apart of me. They were me and trying to get rid of them was never going to happen. I wouldn't just have to learn to just deal with them, I would have to learn to live with them. Everyday is a struggle but knowing that means that I don't have to fear them. They no longer have power over me. Its not easy and I'm still learning more about myself. Being open with people and learning to live out who I really am makes a big difference. 


Knowing your own struggles and being honest with yourself about them teaches you a lot about yourself and lets you live life freely.


"For nothing is hidden that will not be made manifest, nor is anything secret that will not be known and come to light."
-Luke 8:17 (ESV)

Marriage

Just being at a wedding I’ve got marriage on my mind. Its rather odd since I’m not dating anyone but my grandma was there and she kept telling me how she wanted to be at my wedding. I kept thinking to myself that is going to be a long time from now but I also kept thinking about what mine was going to be like and if I would ever even be ready to marry someone.

Even if I’m not ready to marry someone yet I still can’t wait to be. Yeah sure it’s a scary thing but it also seems like a great adventure. First you find the girl and then you date. Then you ask for her hand in marriage then you get married. Simple right? I wish!

The first part is hard enough but then you have to meet the family and then introduce her to yours. Do they like you? Will they approve of you marrying their daughter? What about your family and how they feel about her? After you make it past that then you actually are really getting to know each other. Finding out how each one goes through struggles, how they communicate, to how they even love. It’s a hardship that makes the relationship worth what it is. Without pain and struggles could you ever enjoy the love that you have for each other that comes from simply just loving? I don’t know but I hope to know someday.

After all that then you, the guy, find yourself buying a ring that says I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Then comes the wedding.

There is so much to decide for the wedding. The hardest part I would think would be who is your best man and who is in your wedding party. Is it going to be big or small? Which of your friends do you choose from and who gets paired with who? Which family members and friends are invited to the wedding? Do you have more at the reception? What about food and drinks? There’s flowers, dresses, tuxes, churches, reception halls, and where to even have the wedding. There is so much to choose for just a short time frame.

You want to make it the most joyous of celebrations because you are celebrating one of the greatest things in your life. Everything has to be perfect.

Now I’m no expert on these things and many people have written books about them but what if we decided to make things simpler. Make it just elegantly simple so that the focus is on what the purpose of the wedding actually is. A contract between God, the husband and wife. I don’t know how that would look but I think that we have strayed from it somehow. Not all but most. I’m just throwing it out there that yes it should be a celebration but that isn’t the focus of it. What should be is that it’s a contract with God that you will keep for as long as you two are alive.

Crazy Love

Crazy Love by Francis Chan is one of the craziest books I've ever read. I just finished it and I don't think I even can say everything I've felt or thought about while reading that book. God made one thing clear to me that I don't give Him my all. Throughout the whole New Testament God constantly asks for our all and nothing less. 

As I have been reading the book I kept noticing place in my life that I just have completely left God out, I'm not living in faith at all. One in particular is what I do with the money I make. I've never been good at all at being a good stewart with my money but being a good stewart for God's money I have never even done such a thing. God has slowly been showing me that I live in MORE then enough luxury and that the people He created are starving and dying. I've been praying to God that He will help me become a better steward of the money I make and use it to glorify Him. I recently started to sponsor a child through Compassion. This is one of the first things I want to do in helping those that God created and loves and yet are shown little of that love from those who have it. 

One of the biggest things that Francis Chan writes about and I think God really convicted me of is that I am not always completely honest with myself and in turn I'm not being honest with God. I'm making a mockery of the One who created me and knows everything about me. The things I say I can't do because I'm not ready. Comparing myself to other people saying that I'm still dealing with my stuggles of porn and the pleasures of this life and that God couldn't use me at all. What a fool am I to say that God can't use me. I'm afraid that God will ask me to do something big and take me out of my comfort and reveal my true self. I don't want to honestly believe that I can trust in God and that His love is all I need to sustain myself. I let my friends and family take priority over where God's love should be. I'm more concerned of what people might think than knowing that God's plan for me is the best. God is slowly teaching me that it might be scary and there might be bumps in the road living an honest and open life is the only way God can use you. 

I've taken much from reading this book and know that it is rooted in Scripture is what made me love it even more. Nothing for me can ever take the place of Scripture but being able to read interpretations of Scripture or even just expounding on them is a very helpful way for me to learn more about them. Crazy Love was more then just a book about looking at yourself and your honesty with God. It is also about living out the Word. 

I know I talk about a lot of the things that I should be doing for God but I never live them out. The Gospels are full of what our lives are supposed to look like and how we are to live them. I know that while reading them I always think to myself "God are you really serious about that?" They always seem to be so over the top and impossible, especially in the world we live in now. The more I read the Bible and the more I pray to God I realize that they aren't and that we are supposed to follow all that God commands us. By ourselves it is impossible though but if we trust in God and allow His to work in our lives we have nothing to fear because God will provide and will make what seems impossible possible. My friend Ben is one of these people. When I first heard that he was going to Hawaii and dropping out of college to be an intern at YWAM I thought he was nuts. Who on earth would just drop out of college and have no plans for what they are going to be doing in their future. I thought that Ben was just some crazy radical that was living for God. The more and more that I have spent time with God and reading His word though I have realized that what Ben has been doing for God is what He asks of all of us. As I've talked with Ben I've seen how much he relies on God and trusts God with his whole life. Ben is a person who is completely in love with God and wants the whole world to know it. A life for God where you completely trust Him and love Him isn't the same for everyone. God created each one of us differently and gave us each unique abilities to serve Him. I ask God that He will show me how to trust and love Him with my life so that I can live a life that will glorify Him. 

In the last chapter of the book there is a quote by Annie Dillard, "How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives." Rarely do I realize that everyday effects my life, especially my eternal life. We make decisions every day that will effect us for the rest of our lives. My choices to sin against God not only effect my relationship with Him but effect my eternal life as well. God is our only judge in the end and our lives are set before Him. How we spent our days He will look at and judge. I no longer want to be kept as a slave to pornography and pleasures but to live for God and love Him in everything I do. I want my days to be filled with Him so that I can continue to love Him more and that will cause me to love others the way that He loves me.

PS If you want to know more about Ben and his journeys here is his blog.

http://benpeterson27.wordpress.com/

Honesty

O God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, so that I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, "Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away." Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long.

A.W. Tozer

Free

At American Eagle we are giving away a free smartphone when you try on a pair of jeans. Every time I tell someone that they give me this blank stare as if I'm lying to them. Then they say there must be some strings attached because you also get a free $25 money card to AE too. I tell them that all they have to do is sign up for a new 2 year contract or they just have to renew the one they have for 2 years. Thats when people go and theres the catch. I tell them that its not really a catch because when you get a phone from their carrier anyways you pretty much always sign up for a new 2 year plan. People still give me a dumbfounded stare. I just let them go on their merry way and let them decide for themselves if they want to get the free phone or not. 

Its really interesting how even though they are getting an expensive phone for FREE people can still find something to complain about. Yeah you have to pay for the minutes and the data plan but if you were planning on getting a phone you at least don't have to give up money for that. Still its too much just to get one thing for free. Its not perfect so there must be something to complain about and because of that its not worth getting.

Something free that costs us nothing just can't ever seem to exist or the deal just must be to good to be true. If someone offered you salvation from eternal damnation and thus giving you eternal life would you take it? They said it was free, a gift from someone great. All you had to do was believe that why it was a free gift was true. Would you believe such an unbelievable offer? Its so radical that it couldn't be true. No one would ever offer such a deal would they? 

The offer is more radical than a smartphone which even then seems skeptical. So would you put your faith in the death of one man so that you can have the free gift of eternal life? 

But in the end is anything ever free?

A Life Part 2

As I continue asking God everyday to let His way for my life shine through I find it difficult to listen to what God wants. I find that my mind keeps going on about all the things I have to do in one day that it almost seems that I can't stop thinking. The hardest part for me is just letting go and listening.

Prayer is a two way thing much like a conversation that you would have with your friend at coffee. Except God wants to be so much more then that with you. Its hard to imagine myself sitting down with God and having a cup of coffee with Him or just even having a conversation with Him. Most of the time I'm the one doing all the talking and keep asking for things and forget to just listen. I think I'm afraid to listen because I might not want to do what He asks me or I'm not going to want to face what He's telling me to give over to Him. However I forget that God has the best intentions for me. His love for me is greater then the person I go to get coffee with so wouldn't the things that He has to say be even more important in my life.

I had recently switched my majors and I keep wondering if it was in God's plan for me. I was at coffee with a friend talking with him and he told me that it seems like I'm in a transition spot where I don't really know where things are going but God does. I think He's right and now I'm going to have to listen to what God is saying and what He wants me to do with my life.

I'm reading a new book called Crazy Love by Francis Chan. In it was an essay written by a fourteen year old girl named Brooke Bronkowski. She listened to God and this is what she had to say about her life.

"Since I Have My Life Before Me"

I'll live my life to the fullest. I'll be happy. I'll brighten up. I will be moe joyful than I have ever been. I will be kind to others. I will loosen up. I will tell others about Christ. I will go on adventures and change the world. I will be bold and not change who I really am. I will have no troubles but instead help others with their troubles. 

You see, I'll be one of those people who live to be history makers at a young age. Oh, I'll have moments, good and bad, but I will wipe away the bad and only remember the good. In fact that's all I remember, just good moments, nothing in between, just living my life to the fullest. I'll be one of those people who go somewhere with a mission, an awesome plan, a world-changing plan, and nothing will hold me back. I'll set an example for others, I will pray for direction. 

I have my life before me. I will give others the joy I have and God will give me more job. I will do everything God tell me to do. I will follow the footsteps of God. I will do my best!!!

That's what really happened to her. She died her freshmen year of high school but the lives she touched were thousands.

Imagine if we thought like that and let ourselves be directed by God. There wouldn't be anything in this world that we couldn't do. In I Peter 1:6-7 it says that we rejoice in our struggles because it tests the genuineness of our faith. The struggle of having to let go and have faith in God to lead your life is tough, but it should be one that makes us rejoice! 

A Life Part 1

Well its now summer and I figured that since I have been sitting around and doing a lot of thinking I would share some of my thoughts. 

I had been reading a book called Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne for 2.5 years. It took me a long time but I finally finished the book. Seems kinda odd because a friend gave me that book in a time that I was struggling in my life and it seems that just as I finished the book I realized what was causing the struggle (I'll get to that later). 

As I was reading through the book I felt myself asking so many questions. Was what he was saying right or did I disagree with it. Half the book I felt 50/50 but the one thing that I think he changed my mind on was that doing just enough isn't ENOUGH for God. Just barely passing through life giving the little amount is not what God wants at all. He wants a life that is fully devoted to Him. A life that is radically living out for Him at every second of our lives. It was being a radical that the book was pointing towards as this Irresistible Revolution.

After finishing the book I looked back over what I had read and saw that my life wasn't there. I was just doing the things to just barely get by. Doing just barely wasn't good enough though. It didn't leave me with a life that was for God, it just left me with a corrupted life that was far from what I should have been doing. I tried doing things all by myself but we as humans can't do anything on our own. We were built to be in community.

This community is with God and with others around us. I believe that they both go hand in hand though. These two things are separate but also together. There are times when we need to just be alone with God and then there are times that we need to be together as a community either for worship or just for fun. These communities are what keep us to what our lives are to be for without them we will fall back into a corrupted life.

I know that because of my lack of trusting people and God I let myself think that I could do things all on my own. A friend pointed out to me though that it was the fact that I focused on overcoming my sin that I forgot that all I had to do was give it to God. I had to trust in Him and get over myself. I could do nothing by myself but with God nothing would be impossible. All I had to do was give God everything and live that radical life. 

Sounds simple but its still a struggle everyday if not every second. I am human and in this life I can do nothing alone.

The Mystery of the Cross

In our contemplation of the cross we discover the "sign of contradiction." The "cross" is at the heart of the Paschal Mystery. In the words of Saint Paul: "I preach Christ and Him Crucified" (1 Cor 2:2). In the mystery of the cross we have the coming together of apparent disparate opposites: suffering and healing, death and resurrection, defeat and victory, agony and glory.

And yet, they are really not opposites. Self-giving and self-oblation are necessary prerequisites for perfect freedom, and perfect freedom gives rise to new life and glory.

I think one of the most powerful and mysterious lines in Mel Gibson's popular movie: The Passion of the Christ, is the scene where our Lord meets his dear Mother along the Way of the Cross. As she comes to his side when he falls, yet another time, under the weight of the cross, our Lord looks into her compassionate and sorrowful eyes he tells her: "Don't you see, Mother, I make all things new." Now these words are not found in the Gospel, but are actually found in the Book of the Apocalypse (Rev. 21:5), and the film maker superimposes these words on the lips of Jesus for dramatic effect. Nonetheless, the scene conveys a powerful and mysterious truth.

Through humility and obedience to the will of God, we make all things new. The glory of Jesus, particularly in Saint John's gospel, is the glory of obedience and self-giving. The glory of the Resurrection merely crowns the glory which Jesus already obtained by his obedience to his Father's will.

Rev. James D. Conley's Homily on Good Friday April 10, 2009

A Tune to Hear

Every Thursday I go and spend time with my friend Sarah. She is taking this semester off cause she has to get some surgeries. Her first one is done and she is actually starting to walk again without her crutches which is great! Tonight we started listening to CD's that I had made for Matt that she got from him. She hadn't put any of the song names or artists in so we listening to about 100 songs and trying to figure out the name of the song and the artist. Its actually quite fun to try and remember all of those songs and remember all the memories that go with them. 

Music is one of my favorite things in the world. There is so much to it. There is emotions, memories, and just fun times. Music is filled with love, anger, happiness, sadness, and any feeling you can think of. The music I listen to depends on my mood and what helps me calm down. Music has body and soul to it. Sometimes I feel like the music is talking to me and is just taking away all of my frustrations. 

Other music is just fun. My favorite is playing rockband with a bunch of people and just having fun. Its great just for some laughs and just great time with friends!

Music creates great memories and emotions to last a life time!

Writing

Ive thought about writing a book. I'm not really sure what it would be about or if it would be any good, but I think it would be quite interesting to write a book. I have thought of ideas before but than I have thought that there is no way that I could fill up an entire book with thoughts about such a topic. I'll sit and read other books trying to get ideas or just to see how they actually can write about a certain topic or about multiple topics that focus around a central idea. I'm amazed every time because the book flows and it makes a statement that doesn't make you wonder what the write was talking about. To be honest I am jealous of writers cause they can write so elegantly and put their thoughts down so well. I think writers are some of the best communicators in life because they can write so well. They know how to put their thoughts into words and because of that many people can see those thoughts and can either agree with them or not. A writer can bring you into their world of thoughts almost like you were thinking them. It is such an amazing talent and can have such a great affect on those who read it. Thanks to all you writers who write such amazing pieces that give us a glimpse into your world!

A Feeling or An Action

I wish I knew how to love. Its something I take for granted. It seems to be right there but its become just like air. Its something you need to live but unlike air we need to actually consciously do something. Breathing in air doesn't always need a thought, your body just does it to stay alive. I think loving has become the same way. We need it to live so we just do it but without thinking. Love should be something more than just a subconscious action though. Its more than a thought or a feeling, its a choice that you make everyday. 

I've heard of love being described in so many different ways. The one that I agree with most was when I was talking to my friend about his relationship with his girlfriend. She was studying abroad and we were talking about how things were going between them and he was talking about how everyday he loves her. He wrote an email to her everyday even if it was just a small hello. He said that yes emotionally he loved her but it was even more than that. Everyday he made the choice to love her. It was more than just a feeling to him because he knew that those "feelings" wouldn't last forever.

 

Love is more than a noun to describe our feelings, its a verb, something that we have to do. We have to work at our relationships and show that we love the other person. You wouldn't believe a person who said they loved you if they just came up to you and said it. You love someone one by giving them time, caring for them, and getting to know them. You love through what you do.

I don't think that this is all there is to love because its the most complicated thing that can ever be known to man. Yet strive to love to your fullest. Let love be your way of doing things. Begin to know love so that love may know you. 

Living Like There's No Tomorrow

I have been thinking lately about what it means to really live as if tomorrow were to never come. Is it really a practical way to live life? Being in college it seems a rather odd thing to say that I would live like tomorrow will not come. I would quit school and go and give my time to being with friends and helping in homeless shelters. I would go on missions trip and be a light for Christ.
But then I thought to myself that this seems impractical. God has given me a talent for learning. It would be a waste to let that go and not learn to become something greater so I can use that gift later in life to live for God. Even if it means that my time is spent now studying and going to school, I believe that if I use my talents for God it is towards his glory. It might be in a different way but we are all apart of something and have a different talent to serve God and shine His light.
The question is how you will use it and what does it truly mean to live like tomorrow may never come. For me living like there will be no tomorrow is to be who I am because if I would live any differently then I wouldn't be myself. I would be trying to be someone that I am not and living a lie that was trying to be for God. Living my life like tomorrow is not going to come is just being who I am and using the talents God gave me for his glory!

So live like there is no tomorrow and be yourself!

An absolute right

Today in our philosophy class we started talking about whether or not human beings have an absolute right to anything. As our discussion went on we kept asking questions and defining terms and how those terms were defined would change how we perceived the answer to be. We talked about having an absolute right to life and how that right depended really on what you believe. I really still don't get philosophy at all because right before class ended the professor basically said that there is never really any right answer to anything which I totally disagree with. If we could never know anything than what would be the point of actually living. We were given the gift of life from God. A gift that was great and yet we sit and waste it away. 

This gift of life is like getting food when you are starving. Yet instead of taking that food and eating it to give yourself nourishment to live you set it aside and let it rot. We were given a life to live and yet we set it aside for our own selfish ambitions. 

We live in a world that always wants and asks for more and yet right in front of us is sitting the gift that could give us all that and yet we set it aside to try and find it by ourselves. We want the right to speak freely, the right to bear arms, the right to have money, the right to have anything we want and do anything to get it. We want so much that the original gift is piled so deep under so many other wants that how can we expect to actually be able to have anything else if we don't even have the gift of life to live?

An Idol?

Ok so im sitting here watching American Idol and it never ceases to amaze me and the people who go to sing and cant even hit a note. Everyone who goes there believes that they are amazing at singing. And yet out of the thousands that try out only a few are good enough to go on to the next round. 
I think everyone has this thing that we think that we are just simply amazing at but we really just aren't. Mine would prob be waterskiing. I really like to do it but that doesn't mean that I am great at it. I really would like to believe I am but I'm definitely not.
Just a thought how interesting it is that we have a lot of misconceptions of ourselves in life and somehow we are supposed to know the most about ourselves.

A New Start

Alright so I felt like starting a new blog just for something new. And I chose the title cause I feel like thats a good place to start and plus I really like the song. The song is by Skillet and some amazing lyrics that really shows the human the struggle. There are times when you just feel so alone and there you are wishing things hadn't changed or something had never happened and now you find yourself in a place where you are not sure where to go. Its a place where you can't really seem to find a way out, the BLACK.
That time for me was about a year and half ago. A place you never think you would be but once you are there your not quite sure what to do. I remember everyday wondering if I could ever actually find myself again or if I would walk around as this empty shell for forever and continue to walk around a lie. I had finally had it and just everyday just asked God for something anything because I needed a way out of this feeling. Funny how God chooses to use people and out of no where can put your feet back onto something again. That day I will never forget because after making my day worse there at a coffee shop was a good friend and out of no where, not pertaining to any part of the conversation, he said "Love destroys all sin!" At that moment I knew God was there and was watching over me and had been listening. 
Being in the black feels likes something that consumes you to a part where nothing can hear you no matter how hard you scream or yell. You feel alone in a  place where there are people all around you. You no now that you can't go back and your stuck with your mistake and yet you don't want anyone to know. Its a place where loneliness is followed by just more loneliness. Not until you realize that there is power in those around you that love you and won't think of you any differently can you begin to get out of the black. God listened and showed me his love through someone else. That love is something that can't be tamed or defeated by anything. And now I find myself somewhere new with a different mission in mind.